7 Days Post Op

Yesterday was my appointment  for the unveiling of my new chest and to have the drain tubes taken out.   It couldn't have come soon enough.  The drain spots were getting so painful.  I could only sleep on my back, in one position.  I didn't want to be on pain pills so I had stopped taking them 4 days ago.  I did take one pill before the appointment to ease the pain of the tube removal.  I remember 11yrs ago the fact that that hurt so much in itself.  I was pleasantly surprised that it actually didn't hurt at all.  

Here is the link to youtube of the video Angie took of the appointment.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FMn7oaMPEBI 

How do I feel?  Mentally, Amazing!  It's gone!  I now have pecs!  Physically, pretty sore.  I can't describe the pain.  Kind of a tingly pain across my whole chest.  Probably a combination of the nerves waking up and the trauma of 7lbs of tissue and skin being cut out!  Yeah, 7lbs of old mental pain and disgust gone!  It is very liberating.

Over 20+ yrs ago when I had serious thoughts of transitioning I had a hard time finding anyone I could connect with, relate to.  There wasn't the online information like there is now.  There weren't people blogging, people posting pictures of their transition.   Either people were in the closet about their life or people would commit suicide because they had the hardest life and didn't have a support system.  Heck even now people are still committing suicide because of these same issues.  I had a great life.  No, not perfect, there is no perfect life.  I was never suicidal, I have parents and a sister  that love me and have always been there for me. But now there are more and more avenues for help.  The majority of what you find online is the younger generation not a lot of females over 40 transitioning.  Then the other majority of online pictures are of younger FTMs skinny, ripped abs, healthy lil things.  I can't relate to that either.  That can cause some dysphoria in itself!  I posted my before and after picture on an online site yesterday with a small blurb about my age and such.  No I am not fit, I am not young, my before picture is not very pretty in some eyes and my after picture is not fit but I received a comment thanking me for they are 44 and just starting their journey.  This has now hit me about why people put themselves out there with their story, making themselves vulnerable.   It's to help just one person live as their authentic self!